Love, Lust & The Male Body

The male body is beautiful and full of wonderful surprises. But we tend to focus on his penis and let some many other elements of his anatomy and sexual response slip past us. It's important to explore his body every now and then in ways that don't focus on his penis and penetration.

Start with a little massage and touch. Gather up supplies, like silicone lube, massage products, and perhaps a blindfold. If you don't have a blindfold, just use your thigh high stocking or a necktie. Blind folding your lover while mapping their body for signs of sexual response can really help your lover relax and give in to sensation in new ways. Your main tools however will be your breath, lips, fingers and hands. Give yourselves 30 minutes of pure touch and tease before you even get to the region around his penis. Nibble on his ears, kiss his neck, and massage his muscles. If he is enjoying it, keep going. Watch for even the subtlest response like the rate of his breath and the tension in his muscles.

If he expresses reservation or flinches along the way, respect those responses as well and move on to other areas of his body. This can be a perfect lesson in learning to trust each other. You'll also learn what kinds of flirty touches you may be able to use on him in the future, like blowing a little air on his neck while he's reading or tucking your hand in between his thighs during dessert at the restaurant!

As you move on to his shaft, remember the most responsive area on his penis (for most men) is the frenulum - on the under side of his penis, where the head meets the shaft. That's the perfect spot to flutter your tongue.

And then the entire underside of his shaft from head to testicles is also very responsive. The simple reason for this is that most of the day and night a man's penis is soft and relaxed. The underside of his organ sits against his warm skin, while the top and sides of his penis and balls are rubbing against clothing and bedding. Consequently the protected nerves on the underside of his shaft and head are closer to the surface of his skin and more sensitive to touch.

Moving on down the shaft, I have to ask if you have you ever held a guys balls and sort of cupped them and pushed them up into his body? If you ask him why he likes it he will say something like, "I don't know. Just keep doing it!" That's because there is also more erectile tissue in his body than meets the eye.

The average man's external shaft is about five to six inches long. If he's an average guy, he'll have another 3 or so inches of erectile tissue that goes deeper inside his body. We call this the root of the penis. One way to stimulate this deeper erectile tissue is by cupping his balls and pushing them up into his body, as the root is directly on the other side of his testicles. This subtle cupping action will bring a great response because the root of the penis is more sensitive than his shaft.

If he's fully erect, you can walk your fingers back a little bit, just behind his testicles but before you reach his sphincter, and you can feel end of the root of the penis at his perineum. There are also eight muscles that come together at this point to create his pelvic platform, making this area profoundly responsive to touch for many men.

Keep in mind that some guys will get a little shy as you get close to their butthole. If your guy tenses up and expresses fear as your fingers move in this direction, take him seriously. Leave your hand right where it is, but stop any movement. You might want to say to him, "I promise not to touch your butt." And then don't touch his butt! Let him learn to trust you.

If he is relaxed in your hand, use the pad of two or three fingers to give him a gentle circular massage. You might try pushing up into his body a little with your finger pads as well. This perineum massage will, in turn, put pressure on his prostate from the outside of his body. Depending upon how close he is to orgasm, this may take him right over the edge.

For more information on his incredible body, male orgasms and how to get most out of him, I highly recommend reading The Multi Orgasmic Man.

Ducky is a Sex Educator and Sexual Assault & Violence Intervention Counselor from New York City. She is also the author of Sex with the Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered.