Give Her Bigger Orgasms

Her body is amazing. It's a finely orchestrated collection of systems working in tandem. Her clit is an assembly of nerves, so vast and deeply imbedded into her pelvis that we call it the clitoral complex. Her lips and vulva tissue become engorged with touch and thought. She has erectile tissue, glandular tissue and blood vessels all chiming in as she becomes aroused. Her G spot is near the opening of her vagina, on the navel side of her vaginal canal. At her perineum, the bit of connective flesh between her vagina and sphincter, you find a wealth of responsiveness. It is packed with more erectile tissue but is also a direct connection to the eight muscles that form her pelvic platform. Those muscles are the massive force behind every orgasm she experiences. Like I said, her body is lush.

Each woman will have a unique response to your touch and her response may change over time as she explores her body and goes through natural life cycles. Here are four techniques for getting the most out of her body.

1) Slow Your Roll
Our brains are naturally wired to find the fastest way to get things done. When it comes to her orgasm however, it's important that you fight that urge and slow down. Because the bulk of a woman's responsive tissue is inside her body and not easy to manually stimulate, it takes longer for her (compared to the male body) to become fully sexually excited. Her mind may be ready, but her body needs more. The average woman requires 20 minutes of stimulation before her tissue (erectile, glandular and vascular) is fully engorged. Most often couples will jump into intercourse before her body is really ready for that kind of play, making it difficult for her to reach orgasm from penetration alone.

You want to tease and flirt until she is just about begging for more. Try adding more kissing, heavy petting, and stimulating her through her clothing. Add more hands, mouth and toys into your play. Using a vibrating toy on her clit, vulva and perineum will deliver deep tissue stimulation and will definitely speed up this process. Use lube so that her inner and outer skin can stand up to the extended play.

2) Tell Her
Through out her entire life, she has been receiving subtle negative messages about her body and her sexuality. She may have heard people say women smell bad, or that only certain “types” of girls perform particular sex acts, or countless other judgments on the appearance of the female body. As her partner, it's important that you tell her what you love about her body. You are probably the only person to ever tell her how beautiful she is during sex play. Remind her that she can let go and give into her sexual response with you.

3) Steal Her Moves
Encourage her to touch herself. Some woman feel very shy about this so it may help if you let her know it's cool with you. If she does choose to touch herself during sex play, watch what she is doing - and steal her moves. She's teaching you what works for her.

4) Subtle Undercurrents are Strong
Sex is full of subtleties. Most women are not going to be screaming and pounding her fists in ecstasy. Sure some women do, but many will not. Watch her body. Let her breathing patterns, hip movements and pelvic muscular response guide you.

An orgasm, for a person of any gender, is a series of muscular contractions - the stronger her pelvic muscles are, the stronger her orgasm will be. If she is pumping her muscles rhythmically during sex play she will be pulling more blood and oxygen into her entire pelvis. The deeper breaths also fuel her response. Throughout all of your sex play, tune in to the subtleties of her body. Encourage her to pump her muscles and breathe deeply for you. There is nothing sexier than a partner who is so deeply engaged in their lover's experience.

Ducky is a Sex Educator and Sexual Assault & Violence Intervention Counselor from New York City. She is also the author of Sex with the Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered.