Bend Over Beginner

The ass contains more nerve endings than any other part of the male body, and more than any part of the female body except the clitoris. We play with it erotically because it gives us pleasure.

UCSF did a recent study of adults and found 25% had at least experimented with anal sex at one point in their lives. I'll wager that statistics a little higher here.

There is a secret to doing ass play successfully- it's a hard fast rule that each time you play with the ass it needs to be seduced.

The anal sphincter muscle is designed to expand and contract an unlimited number of times, but the muscle can't be expanded too quickly or a burning sensation occurs. That pain is a sign that you're weakening the muscle- it may lead to permanent damage. Masking that pain with a product such as anal ease is unsafe. Anal sex shouldn't hurt. If it hurts you're doing something wrong. If it hurts it's likely the only time you'll ever get your partner to play with you that way. Knowledge is power- and in this case knowing what your doing can lead to a really good time.

So how do you begin successful ass play?

I have two golden rules:

1. You can never use too much lube
2. Always put your finger in first

Lube is absolutely necessary for slip sliding in and out of the anus. The only juice created in the ass is enough moisture to help make smooth sailing the journey of your excrement. Without lubrication you can actually destroy the elasticity of the bands of muscles. If someone is allowing you the trust of sharing the mysteries and joys of their body- do it right, do it safe. Rough and raw can create permanent health issues including the inability to control bowel movements.

For anal sex traditionally we've recommended a lubricant that is thick and will hold onto the walls of the anus. Gels are a good water based lubricant for anal penetration. Silicone lubes are also good for anal sex, because while thin, the spherical molecules of the silicone roll like ball bearings cushioning in a very different manner. And silicone lube unlike with water based lubricant; you don't have to reapply so often-it's one less thing to think about.

You can really have fun with lube. Embrace the mess it's inevitable that there will be some; just let it ooze all over your partner's cheeks and drip down their legs and genitals. For novelties sake, I recently used O'My Strawberry Cheesecake flavored lube; we determined it was dessert, and I hear ID makes a chocolate mint flavor that's like a peppermint patty!

You can't use too much lube so be generous.

Fingers are a great ambassador to a new sex situation, a test flight, an appetizer. Small enough not to be scary, they can inch their way into the passions of a partner's ass.

Fingers also are great explorers because they learn the lay of the land; the curves of the rectum. When you graduate to larger objects, especially if that larger object doesn't come complete with nerve endings, knowing the angle for entry and where the curvatures are will be very important. It will assist you in not causing pain in your partner by hitting a rectal wall and avoid damaging their sensitive rectal tissues.

Of course, you don't want to scratch or snag any one with your nails. Clipping your nails short and filing them nicely is good etiquette. If you choose glamour nails, there are a few options. You can choose to just cut down one or two nails or you can put cotton underneath the nail and wear latex gloves. There are other reasons why latex gloves are a good idea. They are amazingly smooth and once lubed they glide in so easily.

There's an easy way to get your finger into that closed tight tiny hole, the medical world uses it everyday. It's the wink method. You brush your finger from top to bottom of that little pink pucker and involuntary muscles open for you. It doesn't stay open mind you, it just winks. After a few sweet swipes you may want to press the tip of your finger into the entry way. There are also breathing techniques. Breath in tense your little ass, exhale and push out. While pushed out your bottom is much more receptive to an invasion of happy fingers or toys or what have you.

Having fingers, lube and a penis you might feel ready to begin but let me explain the benefit of toys. Dildos and plugs are great for different sizes and variations and they allow you to be more than one place at one time.

There are three types of safe toys that go into the ass: plugs, which are created as a whole to stay put, anal beads that you push in and pull out to ecstasy, and dildos for glide. Any or all of these may vibrate.

Silicone toys are the safest soft toys in the sex toy market. They warm to the body, are flexible, have no open pores to harbor bacteria and are hygienically superior with their ability to be put into a 10% bleach solution or boiled for 3 minutes. They can even be autoclaved.

Plugs, which stay in place, allow a feeling of fullness and are a superior was of stretching open an anus for more vigorous play. Anatomy of a good comfortable plug includes: a narrow tip for ease of entry, a gentle curve that will allow the muscles to gently stretch, a lower curve that won't cause the muscles to be shocked as they downsize, a neck to grab hold of, and a flanged base so the plug won't be accidentally sucked in. Sphincter muscles are partially involuntary and they pull in as well as push out. The Ryder plug and the Severin line of Tantus Plugs are safe and spectacular.

Vibration is especially effective internally in the ass. The nerve ending are extremely rich so the sensation can be amazing. Tantus' Zing, with a removable variable speed bullet vibe, is ideal.

The male prostate, or P-Spot, is the muscular gland structure about the size of a quail egg located about 2" inside the anus at a 12 o-clock position. The prostate produces an alkaline secretion that makes up 15% of male ejaculate. Like the G-Spot it is sensitive to pressure in a magic way. Tantus Silicone's ProTouch is the first toy that is designed to mimic the perfect finger position and be used in a come hither motion. The vibrator can be used inside the toy or externally on the perineum, the "taint" to stimulate the prostate simultaneously externally and internally. Once you're familiar with where it lies, a curved dildo can be aimed at the spot.

Anal beads are amazing; there is no anal toy we make more popular than our small anal bead Ripple. The beautiful pop they make is wonderful, they are both visually stimulating as well as they are tactile; especially during a climax. They can be such a nice building block too... in and pop out. Our long string of silicone Anal Beads are a wonderful addition to your toy chest.

Dildos are gliding in and out, for the sensation, and they are for both girls and boys-especially when the ass is involved. First time I met Nina Hartley she said "You're Tantus; I use your medium Silk to open my ass right before taking in my husband."

When shopping for a dildo the diameter is one of the most important factors. An inch to an inch and a half is a really nice place to start after you're warmed up. If beginning, you may want to look for a dildo with a narrow taper and without a head. The head will be more difficult to get in and more shocking to your sphincter muscles to adjust around. Texture may be too much in the ass bumps and groves may irritate you if it's being played with in a rapid motion. Length is important if you're using it in a harness. I recommend at least 5 ½ inches, optimally 7. You don't have to put it in all the way but there isn't a back wall to the anus- the rectum feeds right into the colon.

The ass is an equal opportunity orifice. Everyone has one.